On “The Vampires Diaries” we’re used to it.
Love bites. Love bleeds.
But last Thursday night it brought fandom to its knees with one of the most shocking, stomach-turning, heart-pounding, episodes of the show’s running thus far.
From the moment Damon began the torturous prelude to gouging out Mason’s bloody heart with his bare hands, I might as well have served mine up on a silver platter to the writers and creators of this crazy ass show. By the end of the episode, my heart and my stomach were in my throat and my eyes were burning from the brilliant insanity of the emotional roller-coaster ride they call “Plan B”.
If you haven’t picked up the vibe already, I really loved this episode- as in Top 5 ranking of my all-time favourite “Vampire Diaries” episodes ever. It was that good. I was a complete emotional, distressed, puffy-eyed wreck when it ended, but I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Ooo, heart reference. Too soon?
Okay, okay. Without further ado, let us on with the review.
Fade In to flashback of last Thursday night….
So there we were, all us faithful viewers, safely buckled in our seats, anticipating the excitement to come yet still lulling in a sense of false security – completely clueless of what was really in store for us once we reached that critical summit of track and plummeted into the thrill-ride of the season – when the wheels began to roll.
Through the Opening Teaser our ‘coaster cars leisurely clacked by the Gilbert House where Elena and Stefan were basking in the glow of Another Morning After, complete with sunshiny sunbeams streaming through the window in Elena’s bedroom.
**Sidenote: Jenna, I love you, I really do, but you are never, never never going to win Most Responsible Legal Guardian of The Year. EVER. Oy.
On to Mrs. Flowers B & B we rolled, to find Uncle Wolf banging boots with the Queen of the Damned in the same sunshiny sunbeamy morning glow, and it became official: Nina Dobrev has the best gig on the planet, damn it.
Also, possibly the best wardrobe. But I digress. Carry on.
Rolling on down the track, we came to The Salvatore Boarding House:
Jeremy: Knock, knock.
Damon: Who’s there?
Jeremy: Indiana Jones
Damon: Who? *snarky smirk *
Jeremy: *sigh* Okay, it’s really me, Jeremy, but I come bearing valuable information that will up the scales substantially in your favour against Lou Chaney and earn me my Junior Van Helsing Badge. So come on, Mr. Vampire-that-killed-me-once-but-not-really, please can I play too? Plee-ee-e-eeeease? Pleeeee –“
Damon: Oh, for fangsakes! *snarky eye roll*
Awwww, Jeremy Gilbert wants to play grown-up … with vampires … and werewolves. Right, because attempting to manipulate your deadly supernatural neighbours to further your own agenda is the intelligent adult thing to do in this situation *facepalm* Oh wait…. 😉
We’ d now entered The Tunnel of Much Blah Blah Blahing, clacking along inside the Salvatore House reiterating a lot of mumbo we already know. Alaaaric is there, still toting Isobel’s Magic Box of Research, of course. Can we please have our favourite history teacher/vampire hunter start playing a bigger role in things soon? ‘kay thanks 🙂
Anyhoo, still in The Tunnel of MBBBing, coasting through the Lockwood Mansion, yada yada yada…. and oh look, Bonnie’s here to all but ignore Elena and share a freaky vision with Stefan of Elena getting smoochy with Big Bad Uncle Wolf Mason. What?! Wait?! Elena and Mason?! Calm down Team Stefan. Your broody baby bro vamp himself figured it out eventually too: “It wasn’t Elena you saw…” *insert dramatic Stefan-esque pause for maximum broody-hero effect* “It was Katherine.” Dun, dun DUN!
Applaud, people. He CAN be taught.
Now about Bonnie: As you know, I have not been the biggest fan of Mystic Fall’s resident witch this season But the Bonnie we saw in “Plan B”, for the most part, *may* have me easing a toe ever so slightly back onto the Bennett Bandwagon. I finally saw something in Bonnie that could be the beginnings of solving my love/hate dilemma. Bonnie noticeably struggled this ep with the fact that the lines between friendship, moral obligation and personal vendetta are not so black and white in this world, but , actually, very, very gray indeed. Her scenes with Caroline, though awkward for them both, revealed Bonnie is not completely cold-hearted when it comes to her once-beloved-best-friend-gone-vamp and – dare I say it – there may be hope for rebuilding that bond and rekindling a little of that ol’ Bonnie – the one I was a big fan of.
Speaking of somewhat Bravo Bonnie moments, another was her agreeing to help the Salvatores. Despite detesting abetting Damon in any way, Miss Judgey recognized that Katherine is a far, far greater threat and so conceded to use her witchy juju to aid in the wolf-napping of Uncle Mason to find out what Kat the Deadly Doppleganger is up to. When Bonnie learns of the fatal outcome of her decision, I have no doubt she’ll blame Damon and hit the warpath again. But let us digress once more and enjoy our happy-with- Bonnie moments while we can get ‘em, shall we? I am slightly more optimistic now that the show may be finally adding some development and momentum to her arc. Still, I won’t be betting all my vervain on it. Not just yet.
*coaster cars starting to climb The Incline to The Critical Summit Before The Plummet; stomachs starting to flutter in anticipation of something epic*
The Salvatores had snatched themselves a werewolf and thanks again to further help from Bonnie, knew the moonstone was hidden in the bottom of an Old Well (that apparently everybody knew how to find. Huh…. Think I’ll just leave that one alone. 😉 ) Anyway, off we wanted to go ala Elena to follow Stefan to the Well, but first….
an even steeper inclining jaunt to The Salvatore House again where Damon had been keeping the home fires burning – literally – because you certainly can’t torture a werewolf with a fire poker properly if you don’t heat it up good and glowy first. Everybody knows that.
At this point, I was checking my safety belt thingy for fastness – which is tricky one-handed when you’re covering your eyes with your other hand.
**rollercoaster cars completely vertical on the climb now**
And wait! we’re back at The Old Well with Stefan and Elena to search for the elusive Moonstone-of-some-epic-power-of-which-we-haven’t-got-a-clue!
*more excited stomach flipping*
Showing off his vampy super-strength, Stefan ripped off the padlocked well cover and leapt straight down into the well.
**coaster car has reached the summit and we’re teetering over the edge…
OMG, there’s VERVAIN in the well water!!!
***ZOOOOOOOM! SCREEEEEEEAM! as millions of “Diaries” fans plummet 6 stories down the track!**
Dear Writers: Lacing the well water with vervain – brilliant. Having ever-chilvarous Stefan gallantly leap straight into it up to his neck without a clue what he was getting into and come out with skin flaying from his body – fabulously gasp-out-loud-and-not-exhale-while-internally-FREAKING OUT-for-an-entire-commercial-break brilliant. Having the girls save the day AND retrieve the Moonstone – have I mentioned brilliant? 😉
** flyyyyying down the track now, spiraling at sonic speed, loop-dee-looping from The Well to The Salvatore House to The Well to The Salvatore House!**
In said Salvatore House we careened past Jeremy who showed up to help Damon torture Uncle Wolf – (damn, that kid reeeally wants that badge!) – with Wolfsbane, which apparently burns like acid to the touch and so naturally Damon shoves the biggest handful possible right down chained-up-skin-still-smouldering Mason’s throat.
Ewww. Yuck. Nasty. Also, awesome. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I love this show.
Then as if the scene wasn’t tense enough, Jeremy suddenly coughed up a conscience and some compassion for Doomed Uncle Wolf – yep, the same Uncle Wolf whom three seconds ago Jer was aiding in the torture of, but why dwell? Instead let us applaud Young Helsing for having a hint of a second-thought to his actions for once. After all, Gilbert Destiny though he may have to embrace eventually, Jeremy is still just a kid. A kid. And this Game he’s gotten himself into is anything but childsplay. Damon made that frighteningly clear when he turned on young Jer and hissed: “Kill or be killed! Suck it up or leeeave!”
I was DYING to see Damon go all rawwr fang face to really bring the point home but, alas, no dice. Guess I’m going to have to wait yet ANOTHER episode to get my fang fix. *sigh*
*our coaster cars are whipping back and forth so fast now we can barely breathe; knuckles white, stomach’s zipping up our windpipes*
Wait? Was that The Old Well we just passed? Yes! and Yay! Stefan’s going to make it!
*Team Stefan’s car ziiiings out of the death-spiral with a big ol’ thrill scream, arms in the air*
We screeeeeched, sparks flying, back into The Salvatore House where Damon proves he doesn’t have to have his fang-face on to scare the living crap out of us. Whoa. If you thought his recent revelations of humanity within had tempered the vampire, you thought wrong! And since we obviously hadn’t had enough angst and heart-wrenching yet, the writers threw in a telling discuss of Katherine between wolf and vamp and a heartbreaking Mason plea to Jeremy to protect Tyler from the Curse , zigzagging our sympathies from Mason to Damon to Mason to Damon to – oh you get the picture 😉
*everyone SCREEEEEAMS as we ziiiiiiip into the insanest spiral track known to man*
*Note to Self: If you beg the TVD Santa for a delicious rawwry Damon revival AND a yummy badass werewolf, chances are, you won’t get ’em both. Well, not for very long anyway. Ah, the Good Writers giveth and they taketh away.
And did they ever! More Ewww-Yuck-Nasty-Awesome as Damon sunk a grabby hand into Mason’s chest and ripped out his very bloody heart. Annnd tossed it. Across the room.
**fan screams hit glass-shattering decibels as we plummet another 6 stories and flip upside down**
Into the deep, dark Tunnel of Perpetual Angst now. The Gilbert House materializing out of the darkness. Our coaster cars slowing somewhat so we can see Elena safely back home and Jenna and Alaric blissfully smooching and cooking in the kitchen. Then just as we were beginning to calm our sobs and screams, a sharp bend in the track lead us back to The Salvatore House where Caroline and Mama Forbes had the most sincere, heart-breaking vamp-hunter mother/vamp daughter bonding moment on television ever! *sob, sniff* Dear Candice Accola and Marguerite McIntyre: if I could have stood in my weak kneed, emotionally-wrecked state, I would have given you a standing ovation. A-mazing performance.
*clickety-clack down the track, fans waaaaailing*
Stefan had since arrived home with the coveted Moonstone and oh no *facepalm* Damon found Mason’s cell phone and since he was in such a grand nostalgic mood figured “What the hell, let’s call the Ex” – aka Queen of the Damned, Kat the Deadly Doppleganger or Katherine just so we’re all on the same page here. 😉
**Tunnel of Perpetual Angst gets darker, ‘coaster cars start to pick up momentum, fans grip each others knees**
Of course, she answered. Much biting banter ensued. Then Katherine reminded us all that her being the oldest means she’s the smartest, she’s the cruelest and waaaaay waaaay ahead of everyone.
**click-clack, click-clack, click-clack**
Is that the Gilbert House up ahead? Why, yes it is. *gasp* Oh no! OH. YES. Being the manipulative Mistress of Mayhem that she is, Katherine rang up Elena to chide her for her laughable chess skills and oh, btw, bubbly Aunt Jenna has been under her powers of compulsion for WEEKS. What?!!
*Aunt Jenna plunges a HUGE butcher knife into her abdomen, sending us into a gravity-defying flip-spin plummet into the dark void below!**
*millions of fans wailing and flailing through an entire commercial break*
Omg, will this Tunnel of Perpetual Angst ever end?! Nnnnope. Into the Hospital now, Elena, a wreck and by the look in Jeremy’s eyes he don’t want no stinkin’ badge anymore, he’s gonna go straight for the freakin’ fedora but Jenna LIIIIIVES!
*arms up in the air, sobbing squees of relief as we whip through another corridor*
Loop-dee-loop back to The Lockwood Mansion, where Carol breaks the news to Tyler that Uncle Wolf has bailed on them and gone back to Florida. *cough, choke, cough* Awww, poor damaged Junior Wolf. Despite Carol kind of creeping me out in this scene, group hug, everyone!
*ZING! ZOOM! even deeper into this ENDLESS Tunnel and uuuuup another incline*
Salvatore House. Hearts in our our hands, we helplessly watched Elena and Stefan break up for realsies this time because star-crossed lovers have to when their entire world comes crashing down around them and people start dying – it’s a rule – and Paul Wesley proved without uttering a single word, the sheer ridiculous magnitude of acting talent he actually possesses beneath those fancy abs. Wow. Just wow.
*coaster cars nearly jump the track, gripping our safelty belts begging for our very lives now*
Hearts and knees quivering, we flipped-over to one of Damon and Elena’s most rivetting heartbreaking, honest moments as he owned up to riling Katherine and took responsiblity for Jenna’s near-tragic accident and Elena – with the most lovely crying eyes we’ d ever seen- showed us and Damon that she has taken the lion’s share of blame for herself and conceded: “Katherine won.”
*cars careen sideways and shoot out of the Tunnel of Perpetual Angst*
Landing with a jolt, we found oursleves back at Mrs. Flowers B & B, in the Den of the Doppleganger but wait! she’s not alone! *gasp* MATT! Yes. Matt. Compelled Matt, to be exact. And he’s going to get Tyler to kill him to trigger The Curse because Katherine lost the werewolf she had and she needs another one. Needs? Huh. Verrrry interesting. And we all know when Katherine wants something, well……
*ZOOOOOOM! coaster cars plummet so hard and so fast we nearly loose our lunches*
And then it was over.
All cars came to a rolling stop. Fans shakily climbed out onto the platform, heads spinning, eyes burning, exclaiming “OM&%$#G, WHAT A RIDE!”
Well done, “Vampire Diaries“. Well. Done.